Music was what my mother did and we were proud of being different. I grew up in a very matriarchal family. My grandfather died when my mother was 19, and my grandmother, Gaby, was, like my mother, a strong character – funny and charming. She got married late in life and became a mother for the first time at the age of 42. So she was different from what was expected at the time, and not under the thumb of a man by any means.

My first 20 years or so definitely revolved around my relationship with my brother. I wanted to be different. I was trying to find my way of being as intriguing and interesting as he was. He was something to live up to. Rufus started to show his talent when he was a baby. It was clear he was made for the stage – and girls were never a distraction. He had his own battles, coming out and telling my mother. My role was to be as supportive as I could be. And not care.

My parents divorced when I was small, so there was more of a distance with my dad [Loudon Wainwright III]. With Loudon, my earlier years were the best time for me – I got to go to New York for a couple of weeks in the summer, and it was a vacation, special and magical, a bit of Disneyland. I was older when I discovered his music, and I had a love affair with his records, so he was more of a musical inspiration than anything else. Loudon and I have each written songs about our relationship. But we haven't spoken about them. The songs can express things that are beyond words.

My husband, Brad, is a musician and an artist. We work together, so I feel like our relationship is an extension of my family's life. My mother's cancer gave us the reason to have a big celebratory wedding and invite people from all the different stages our lives. Her illness put everything into perspective: in my 20s I was always fighting with her and not calling enough, and trying to find my own way. But out of fear of losing her that all changed, and I became a much better daughter.

Everyone in our family shows off out of habit. I guess we all want to be heard. It's kind of sick, isn't it? But it's good to have everything out on the table, because that way there are no surprises. In my family, it was encouraged in songwriting. I think everyone wanted to be centre stage. We're not there to yell at each other. We're a musical family – and that's harmonious.

Tina Jackson, The Guardian, 07.11.09

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/nov/07/martha-wainwright-family-values